Reinvention in the Dark

It’s been a while since the Dark Fairy made some noise in cyber space. During her absence a spring full of promise and a disappointing summer came and went.  As the days are shortening and it has been winter-coat weather for several weeks, the c-thing world tour is still on the road and just doesn’t want to retire. Most recently several countries have put increased pressure on their citizens trampling on the concepts of freedom of movement, freedom of choice and bodily autonomy. While our political ‘leaders’ continue to instruct us to swallow the bitter pill of the abnormal ‘new normal’, I am attempting to find light and purpose within the shit storm. In hindsight the ‘old normal’ was pretty absurd too, but most of us were just so used to it and/ or too distracted to notice. It’s the crooks of this world that claim that in great crises lay great opportunity, but it is true that big challenges can lead to ever bigger epiphanies and a renewed sense of the world. I found a beaming light in the darkness that has led me to a new adventure.

Bocas Epiphany

My time in Bocas Paradise seems like an eternity ago, and although it didn’t give me what I came for, it might have given me what I needed. If it weren’t for the lockdown and the lack of money-generating gigs, I would have continued my life of doing soulless, expedient jobs to finance my wave-chasing, Afro-hippy lifestyle. The c-shit show, the consequent lockdown and other restriction have taken all the fun out of travelling. Besides that, they have forced me to acknowledge that to truly grow I need to face my Shadow Side and give my word-crafting artistry some proper attention.

I believe everyone is an artist at heart, which is very clear when you see young humans in action, yet only a few live up to their artist-self in adult life. I started my career in the performing arts, which was a fabulous time and all went well for a few years until it didn’t. As waitressing earned jack-shit and I didn’t have any pole-dancing skills, I resorted to work in the corporate sector and took several office jobs. This was quite the anthropological experiment as I was fascinated to discover what ‘normal people’ do in their working life. The corporate world is a trap, though. Although many find themselves on the hamster wheel and some might even enjoy it, it is not what humans are supposed to do, and as a free and sovereign human I broke my corporate chains to chase a digital nomad dream. I still did the same work, but now I did it from wherever. Despite this sense of freedom, the inner artist was still starving.

From Bocas to the Rhine Land

To be a better nurturer of the Artistic Self and do more with my writing development than just prostituting my skills, I decided to go on a brand new adventure, ’cause that is what the Dark Fairy does. At the beginning of the year I applied for a Master’s in screenwriting for serial fiction at the International Film School in Cologne, Germany. Both to my delight and expectations my application got accepted and I moved to Cologne last August. I relish in the idea that I am a film school student and it is joyous, inspiring and stimulating to be part of an artistic community. I am one of a class of 15 students from Brazil, the Middle East and several European countries. It is a wonderfully eclectic mix of talented, engaging and kind people with whom I can talk for hours about the great joys in life: language, film and serial drama. No longer is my Netflix binge-watching a big distraction or a waste of time, but an artistic and professional necessity.

This new adventure has not only given me a new focus, but also a new setting. The city of Cologne, Köln or Koeln in German, has a great vibe which is especially evident in summer. Despite containing more than 1 million inhabitants, Cologne’s people are very friendly and laid-back, and compared to the super densely populated Netherlands, the city feels more spacious. Cologne has a big terrace culture and people love to hang outside, have a beer, a meal, and talk bollocks, even when, in my opinion, the weather doesn’t quite call for it. Since I left London for Malta, I thought needing a winter coat was a thing of the past, but with a new focus comes new priorities, and I am to spend another full winter on this latitude. I am not particularly looking forward to colder and darker days, but in most cases one needs to go through darkness to find light. And then there is my MA course and the new community to support me through the winter season and guide me towards a more artistic life. I might have been chasing the sun for several years, but now it is time to stay put and go dark to find purpose and reinvention.

Whatever your state and sentiment in these times, I wish you strength and hope, and may any meaningful transformation, add to the light of the world.